INTRUSION

While the definition of “marriage” still eludes anthropologists, it hasn’t stopped them from classifying marriages. Of such several types is “marriage by intrusion”, others being “probationary marriage” seen among the Kukis, “marriage by trial” as seen among the Bhils, “marriage by capture” as seen among the Nagas, and so on.

When a girl zeroes in on her choice of a mate and the man is un-willing, she resorts to “Intrusion” and thrusts herself on the poor man! She obstinately refuses to leave his house where she is subjected to humiliation, insult and harsh treatment, turned out, refused food and even beaten. However inspite of all this if she still refuses to abandon her intentions, she is finally accepted as one of those impossible persons before whose obstinacy one has to yield!

I have heard (but cannot claim to have seen) of many such cases in Aizawl, Mizoram and the Northeast, and am greatly alarmed at the trend which has un-officially become accepted. Families of eligible ( sometimes debate able) bachelors seem to have this protective air about their precious bachelors, which of course makes them look ridiculous, even if he actually is highly eligible, which they rarely are! I have seen super rich, seriously eligible bachelors in other cities who behave perfectly normal, as do their families. What is the problem in the Northeast then?

Much has to do, I think with the fact that we are a very young people. Families get some kind of pride that something they’ve created is getting them attention. This by co-relation extends to them and it makes them feel wanted. A nice feeling for people on the way up, but a pretty normal feeling for people who have seen it happen many many times. Such people rarely “guard” their precious princes and the princes themselves are used to all the attention (water off a duck’s back) and rarely end up getting “trapped”!!

Another relevant point is the social acceptance that such liaisons get. I find it exceedingly strange that in this day and age – I mean, what ever happened to contraceptives? – a girl manages to carry a man’s child again and again inspite of such “protectiveness”. And what’s more, the persistent girl is accepted by the family and society as well as the boy himself (this I find too strange) after some time!! I mean after a few years, hey presto! the very same man is all lovey dovey with the same girl he desperately rejected and treats his “wife” just as he would have if he had slain ten dragons to win her hand. This essentially means that 1) the boy has no mind of his own
2) he has a habit of getting into an intimate situation without using contraceptives with anyone who desires to have such relations.
3) he does’nt mind his children being brought up by such a mother
4) he actually wants such a woman

I have a HUGE problem with this because in all this, the person who’s affected the most is the girl. It is the worst form of degradation that a girl can put herself through. It entails a total loss of pride and dignity, that too in public. When society itself is perpetuating such a trend, yes it is, it can only lead to a lowering of status for women, resulting in girls with no self respect. And we all know that that can never be good.

In effect this would mean that societies practicing such trends are suppressing their women and encouraging their suppression. Such a society, in my opinion, can never progress and that any apparent changes are only cosmetic and cannot last. A society that teaches its women that humiliating themselves and losing their self-respect is perfectly normal and acceptable is not even a society actually. It ought to call itself an un-civilized jungle!!!